Going to America

It's been a long time since I moved back from the US. Rarely do I think about my life in the US and I am no longer recognized with the US return tag . I live life as though the 3+ years in US never happened. This is exactly the way I wanted it to be and I am glad for that.

Ever since my return its been a dilemma to advise my friends, who are set to go to US. They are all confident of their impending return back to India- once they make 'enough money'. They assert that those who choose to stay back in the US are hypocrites and they are nothing like that.

I want to tell them that they are wrong. I want to tell that the ones who choose to stay back are there because they cannot come back. Its not really a choice that they made, but its a consequence of a flawed logic . I want to tell these soon to be FOBs that they too are well on course to make the same mistake that the NRIs have made. But, as I tell this they are even more fired up . They will retort that I have questioned their sense of duty towards their motherland and parents. Clearly I cannot take this path.

In my case,instead of proclaiming that I too shall return to india after earning 'enough money' ,I started off by studying the exact reasons as to why people choose to settle there.Information is hard to come by as I cannot ask this question directly to desi citizens of USA. I did find bits and pieces of information in books and talking to people and i patched it up to get some perspective.I also extrapolated the information to predict what hurdles I might face in returning to India. I was able to foresee a rough period of isolation once I return to India. When that moment actually came up , I was depressed, but I was under control for the most part.

These are many such complex ideas which evolved over a period of months centered on this theme. So far no one has asked me how I made it back and how tough was it. Its frustrating. The path I have traveled was lonely and depressing. I have the task of getting across the message to those who are headed on to this journey with no return ticket. All I want to tell is that its not as simple as they think.

Going to US is a big ordeal and the last thing on anyone's mind is coming back. The visa, the travel, setting up a living,student life, research, job, work visa , family will keep one occupied for atleast 3 years.Once employed ,life is so comforting there that the thought of returning dosent occur for next few years. Once married its a different game altogether and things get really complex.

And thus the dilemma continues. On one hand I can tell people what it takes to come back to India, but I cannot do that until people seek my advise. Till then all I can do is to silently watch the parade as a spectator hopeful. You know... Such is life...

Returning to India from US

As of 2006 ,66,000 students from India were enrolled in grad studies in the US of A.
In the fall of 2003, I was probably one of the 15,000 Desi grad students who entered the USA.
No data exists on the number of people who come back.

But being one of them, I can be sure there aren't many who can do that.2 years ago I came back . Got out with a MS and 10 months of work ex. Long ago when I left the shores of India, I was soo confident that I would come back. Over the next 2 years I saw that a number of my hard held beliefs ,when I left the shore , were not quite true. Today I see hundreds of amazingly smart Indians making the same assumption. I have tried to address these myths and argue why they are indeed myths.

Here we go!

Myth:1 I am going to US for a multi cultural experience.

Most of the advanced degree programs in US are full of Indians and Chinese. If you find a 5:1 ratio of Indians amongst your friends circle you should consider yourself lucky. It usually is much higher.

Myth:2 I shall come back with a advanced degree for a faster career growth.

The most important myth. This is the key reason why most ppl go to US in first place. However, the market in India is not demanding any higher degree than a Bachelors. Greater experience is more valued than a better degree. Infact the market for MS is low because with a degree from abroad you expect higher pay,when the company can get the same job done from a fresh engineer with lower cost. This is the core argument. The demand for MS is ONLY there is US ,NOT india.

Myth:3 I have lived in India for 20 years compared to 3-4 in US. Once I go back I will be fine.

From my experience the answer is NO. By 3 years people get used to life so much , that the Indian life is suddenly full of corruption,bureaucracy,chaos,religious fundamentalism,repressive society,poor education system and what not.In US,The pace of life is just right and nobody really cares about frivolous things.Most of you friends are Indians. Why go back all the way when you can get the best of both worlds(Indian friends and American life)?

Myth:4 People who end up with green cards are not patriotic.

People here are not much different than the one's in India. I am of the opinion that they were slowly brainwashed in to thinking that being in US is a a better life and they can still be patriots as long as they stay in touch with their country and do something good for it.

Myth:5 Get MS , get work ,finish loan, come back!

Everyone whom I have met says this. Unfortunately, most of them( 95% would be my guesstimate) stay back. The "Get MS , get work ,finish loan, come back" argument in fact has some legal loopholes. Once you start working you have to work for 2 years minimum. So, that's 4 years of life outside US. (Remember : Coming back to India after is a move which will decrease pay, decrease career prospects and take away all of Americas easy lifestyle)

Related Readings:

a)Ramesh Mahadevans blog was the first article I read on how difficult it is to come back.

b)The book "Maximum City" is partially about the authors experiences on coming back to India.

I felt the same frustrations when I moved back.

c)The book "Namesake" was a strong motivation for me to force myself to comeback.

I got myself that book and read it like a bible.

d)Wings of Fire gave me a good picture of how hard things might be once I will be back in India.

PS1 :I know that it was not a good idea to come back. Life was so much better there. But I am a irrational person.

PS 2:I have an irrational attachment to india which made me come back. (NOT patriotism).

Hanging Out?

I don't know really what are the sort of people I want to hang out with.I currently hang out with people of whom, some 5 years older to me.I am treated as an equal ,but somehow some part of me refuses to accept these people as my friends .Weird part is that I tired so hard to hang out with such people earlier and did not get an opportunity to. Now that I do ,I think that I am out of place. To be in a crowd of people who have achieved far more than you in life should make you feel special,of having arrived at the big league or something.It dosent really help that these people are fairly well off with life with a profession and all.

I imagine myself ,standing on the streets, staring at the college going girls ,who give back a venomous stare back at my group. I am now a part of the rocky khannas and amit_123s (see end of post)who hang out with these sophisticated chicks. I need my normalcy back. I need to become a frustu again.

For now I guess the story shall go on. Soon they shall be relegated to being facebook friends I suppose.

PS:I decided not to watch porn even again in my life time. The decision has come in after a lot of deliberations. I am quite sure of the rationale behind this and its time for some action. I felt a shiver going through my body in trying to resist visiting the goddamn websites .

Update: Its been a month away from internet porn now.

In a few days I would have ended up like Randy here.

Another update: It's easy to quit smoking, I've done it hundreds of times. :( My story is not very differnt.